We’re all f***ed

I don’t want to alarm anybody, but it has recently come to my attention that Western civilisation and the human species itself are finished. The details I have received are a little sketchy. I’ll try to relate events as best I can.

A nuclear holocaust has wiped out all species on earth with the exception of the cockroaches. The fuel supply has gone into terminal decline, collapsing modern economies and leaving people to survive on nothing more than lentils and sawdust. Global temperatures have plummeted, sending the earth into an ice age. Global warming has heated the earth beyond recognition, melting the ice caps, flooding the major coastal cities, and wreaking havoc and destruction. The ozone layer has disappeared and deadly UV rays have killed all life forms, including the cockroaches. A new super-deadly virus has come out of Africa, killing one in three people. A new super-deadly virus has come out of South America, killing one in three people. A new super-deadly virus has come out of China, killing one in three people. The vaccines against the viruses have killed one in three people. The urea ran out. The nitrogen ran out. The phosphorus ran out. The eggs ran out. The meat ran out. The price of avocados is through the roof. I repeat, the price of avocados is through the roof. We didn’t build enough solar panels and wind turbines to stop global warming from causing global cooling meaning the ozone layer never got repaired and deadly UV rays are killing everything. That political party won an election and destroyed the world with its insane policies. The other political party is threatening to win and destroy the world with its insane policies. There are too many people on the planet. There are not enough people being born. The temperature is higher than what it used to be. The rain is lower than forecast. The humidity. Oh god, the humidity! The bond market looks set to collapse. The futures market for the bond market might have already collapsed. The derivatives market for the futures market for the bond market collapsed three years ago and is up ten points. The price of bitcoin is down. The price of silver is down. The price of gold is down. The price of avocados is through the roof. I repeat, the price of avocados is THROUGH. THE. ROOF. And just to top it all off, artificial intelligence is going to kill all the people and steal their jobs. Just imagine what that’s going to do to the unemployment rate.

Anyway, I’m gonna keep my ear to the ground on this stuff. I’ll keep you posted of any developments in next week’s blog post.