2022
America: Hey, Russia, what you doin’?
Russia: Invading Ukraine.
America: What!? No, don’t.
Russia: Too late.
Europe: Outrage! We must respond.
America: You’re right. Let’s sit down together and make a deal.
Europe: A deal? Are you crazy? There’s only one way to resolve this.
America: What is it?
Europe: An interminable land war.
America: A what?
Europe: An interminable land war.
America: That doesn’t sound like a very good idea.
Europe: It’s European tradition. You wouldn’t understand.
America: Alright. You’re the civilised ones.
Three years later…
America: Hey, so this war is still going. Can we finally make a deal now?
Europe: Absolutely not.
America: But it’s been ages and there’s still no end in sight.
Europe: What part of “interminable” did you not understand?
America: But it’s been 3 years!
Europe: 3 years is nothing. Remember the 30 years war? Or the 100 years war? Boy, those were the days.
America: Okay, but we’re paying for this shit.
Europe: Typical American. Only care about money.
America: So, when is it going to end?
Europe: It ends when one side is militarily and economically ruined. Sometimes both sides get ruined.
America: Why don’t you stop before you get to that point?
Europe: I dunno. It’s tradition.
America: Fine. You keep fighting. We’re getting out before that.
Europe: Cowards!
America: Au revoir.
Hi Simon,
Thanks for the laughs, and sadly I have to agree with your summation. Why do it? It’s in the blood and well there just ain’t that many resources left unplundered in that part of the world. It takes a lot of plundering to live high on the hog.
The comment ‘Okay, but we’re paying for this shit.’ almost made me spit my tea all over the keyboard.
Now tell me, why the heck did our government support the ongoing war there when it pisses off our major ally to do so, and there’s like zero strategic advantage for this country? It’s a real mystery that.
Cheers
Chris
Chris – yes, that is the question. It seems to be a feature of interminable land wars that nobody remembers why we’re in them anymore, only that the bad guys must lose.